Hamilton vs. Toronto and Ottawa

In response to this

Hamilton is better than both Toronto and Ottawa put together because . .

1) The Hamilton Farmer's Market on a Saturday because everyone knows that Kensington and Byward can't compete with an indoor market that has a mezzanine level.

2) Less stray bullets than Toronto and less stray politicians than Ottawa.

3) Bayfront Park is spectacular if you don't touch the water.

4) Unlike Ottawa or Toronto, Hamilton doesn't have a winter festival which will gradually peter out due to global warming.

5) Hamilton doesn't have a team named after aging grey-headed politicians nor do they have a team named after reptilian creatures which have absolutely nothing to do with their geographical location and have more to do with the popularity of a certain Spielberg movie.

6) Ottawa and Toronto may have won more Stanley Cups but they have yet to beat Hamilton for the number of festivals they have held which have met premature deaths.

7) Hamilton brought the world a few NHLers such as Dave Andreychuck but also, and more significantly, Hamilton is the hometown of Martin Short. Martin Short!

8) Ivor Wynne Stadium is honestly better for watching CFL games than either the Frank Clair Stadium or the Rogers Sports Centre.

9) The Plastimet fire was far more glorious (and toxic!) than the fire that took Ottawa's Parliament and the fires the American soldiers set in Toronto during the War of 1812.

10) Like those in Ottawa, Hamiltonians don't need help from the Canadian Army to shovel their snow. Unlike Ottawans, Hamiltonians actually shovel their snow.

11) Ottawa may be the capital of Canada and Toronto may be the capital of Ontario but Hamilton is the mullet capital of the world.

12) Unlike Torontonians, both Hamiltonians and Ottawans can get to work in under an hour each morning. Unlike Ottawans, Hamiltonians don't work cushy government jobs with expense accounts and ridiculously short hours.

13) Hamilton doesn't have Poutine, but they do have Canada's very first Tim Horton's restaurant. In fact, if you can't find a Tim Horton's branch in Hamilton than you're not in Hamilton.

14) Lawns in Toronto are postage-sized. Lawns in Ottawa and Hamilton are about equal size, but Hamilton has former Heritage Minister Sheila Copps and a lot more one-way streets which makes us that much more cultured and cosmopolitan.

15) Toronto's nickname? Hogtown. Ottawa's old nickname? Bytown. Hamilton's nickname? The Hammer (much cooler).

16) Do Toronto or Ottawa have a mountain? Neither does Hamilton, but it certainly has an escarpment/cuesta.