Sunday, October 26, 2008

"My fellow citizens, if I can make one thing abundantly clear it is that I stand for change."

"Citizens of this great country, I would also like to clarify my position on the issue of change. Namely, I am for it."

"Patriotic citizens of this beautiful nation, my honourable opponent claims that he stands for change. I would argue that his change can actually be defined as sameness. The change that I stand for is a far more changing change."

"Do not be fooled by the clever rhetoric of my opponent, he claims that my change is not a changing change, but a change that is more of the same. In fact, the change I stand for involves many changes that are deep and abiding changes."

"People of the greatest country on earth, my opponent cannot seem to decide if he stands for change or changes. With all due respect, it is time for us to have a leader that knows the change that he stands for is a singular enveloping change. I am that leader."

"Citizens of this superlative geographic region skirted by invisible yet truly consequential boundaries, I implore you not to listen to the demagoguery of my opponent. I stand for change and changes, there is nothing contradictory about change being both singular and plural. If you want change and changes, I am the man for the job."

"I assure you, fellow humans of this particular political region, it is time for change. Do you want the same or do you want change? If you want change than do not vote for my opponent who detests change and loves sameness."

"My slanderous opponent claims that I hate change and he loves change. I must point out that my supposedly change-loving opponent has been wearing the same hat for over ten years. If he loves change, why does he insist on wearing that same hat?"

"Citizens of this ridiculously superior country, my opponent has sunk to new lows by bringing my hat into the political dialogue. Yes, I have had the same hat for ten years, but I will be changing that along with everything else once I am elected into office."

"If my opponent embraced change as much as he claims, he would not have had the same hat for so long."

"I should point out to the discerning public that I have changed the band on my hat seven times in ten years."

"My fellow citizenry, this is the sort of change that my opponent represents. A change of the band but not a change of the hat. I assure you that I will change everything that needs changing once you give me the chance to reverse the sameness of recent times."

"People of this country which I embrace with far more love than my opponent, my position has been grossly misrepresented by my opponent. In fact, I do stand for changes that mean real change from the sameness of today. Here is to a change that will bring adjustments for tomorrow."

"What my opponent claims is all well and good, but I should remind you that while my opponent has honourable intentions for change, only the change that I represent will take away the sameness and bring about effective change not only for our children but for our great-grandchildren."

"Do not let his sweet words fool your ears. Only a vote for me will bring lasting change for at least three generations beyond the children your great-grandchildren."

"I should point out that the change I stand for is a positive change while the change my opponent stands for is a change that is very similar to the sameness of recent times and is, therefore, negative. Also, my change is five more generations more effective than whatever my opponent claims."

"I am taken aback by the depths of political mudslinging my opponent will sink to. I must insist that I do in fact stand for positive changes. It is my defamatory opponent who stands for sameness not myself. I should have been clearer with the overall impact of the change I stand for, but it is over a thousand generations more changeful than the change of my pro-sameness opponent."

"Ludicrous! I can assure th----"

"Ahm, excuse me, just a question: what exactly will both of you change?"

. . . . . .

Thursday, October 09, 2008

In one of my education classes we were asked to write a poem comparing ourselves to our favourite food. This activity was not marked, as one could infer from my submission:

My palms are greasy like your face
When you fill my stomach’s empty space
And your sweet soft buns of wheat
Are like my own buns on this seat
Let us not forget your saucy side
Which isn’t me, although I’ve tried
To emulate your saucy ways
And the way you fill up fast-food trays
But I’m much too skinny to be you, friend
So I’ll just be me in the end
And eat you from the charcoal grill
Oh hamburger, I love you still.

. . . It's not Wordsworth, but I like it.
Apparently Sarah Palin's great great great great great great great great great grandparents are also the late Princess Diana's great great great great great great great great great grandparents.

I am somewhat underwhelmed.

Who deh?