Wednesday, November 28, 2007

"I love inside jokes. I'd like to be a part of one some day." - Michael Scott, The Office

A certain individual recently complained about the previous post which is not only very short but also says absolutely nothing. The complainant shall remain nameless, although his name rhymes with the words "fill" and "belly whopper". Strictly speaking, the former word doesn't truly rhyme with his first name and is, in fact, a homonym. I suppose they do rhyme, but only because they are phonetically identical. In the latter two words, you could drop the word "belly" entirely, and the phrase would still rhyme quite comfortably with his last name. Just an aside, but Boerishbwoy does not acknowledge using any sort of online rhyming dictionary to come up with such a strange and enigmatic phrase as "belly whopper." Moreover, Boerishbwoy refuses to recognize or admit to the grammar mistake in the previous sentence.

If you were to call this individual by his full first name it would be Greek and mean "lover of horses." Incidentally, one of the Greek words for love is "philia" as in "Philosophy" (the love of wisdom), phalanges (the love of French angels) or Philistine (the love of large pitchers of beer). The word for horse in Greek is hippo, so his name is something like Philia-hippo - only with less syllables. His first name, in its more common shortened form, makes the common acronym Polarized Helium to Image the Lung. It should be noted, however, that the words "to" and "the" are not part of the acronym.
His second name is a word which is an antonym of the word "improper" and means "suitable, fitting, or right."

This Russell-native is also the target of a concerted campaign to get him to join the social networking site known as facebook. In some circles in which he flies (you'll get this pun later on in this sentence) he is known as the Vulture. This is because, back in university, he was accused of eagerly scavenging for the meal in the same way that a vulture would. Later, he perched atop the refrigerator in the manner he imagined a vulture would. Hilarity ensued.

Despite remaining unapologetic about the previous post, Boerishbwoy has promised to produce a better post. In fact, John has so hyped up this post to the anonymous complainant that he is certain to be disappointed.

- He likes Jason Spezza.
- In the fantasy hockey league for which he is commissioner, he is known as a tyrant.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

This post was initiated to inform you that there are certain elements which are coming together in order for a general idea about certain ideas espoused by individuals in general to remain unarticulated.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Lucayans of the Bahamas

In 1492 there were an estimated 45,000 Lucayans inhabiting what is now known as the Bahamas. By the close of the sixteenth century, the entire group had been wiped out. The Lucayans were part of a larger cluster of Arawakan people who referred to themselves as Taíno, meaning good or noble. This, scholars believe, was to differentiate themselves from the war-like Caribs who often raided the Taíno and abducted their women. According to archaeologists, Lucayans began colonizing the Bahamian chain of islands as early as A.D. 600. When they reached the Bahamian archipelago they displaced, killed, or absorbed a group of Siboney natives. The irony is that while the descendants of other Siboney native groups survive, there are no living descendants of the Lucayans.

The Lucayans were fairly short, slim, and muscular with straight black hair and dark reddish skin. Like other groups from Central America, the Lucayans flattened the foreheads of their infants soon after birth by binding boards to their heads. They believed that this increased not only the beauty of their offspring, but also their intelligence. The Lucayans were a peaceful people, who only manufactured weapons for protection against the brutality of the Caribs. This, unfortunately, was not enough against the might of the Spanish.

While they did engage in trade with islanders to the south, the Lucayans were geographically separated from other Taíno groups. Thus, the Lucayans developed their own religion, language, and crafts. The Lucayans were ruled by hereditary chiefs known as caciques who governed specific regions of each island. The cacique was both a religious and political leader of his people, a sort of priest-king. The Lucayans engaged in ancestor worship and believed in gods who inhabited the bodies of animals. In death, they believed that the spirit moved southwards to a blissful paradise, although the bodies of the dead were treated with immense respect.

The villages of the Lucayans were near the sea and none of them numbered more than a thousand in population. The Lucayans were avid fishermen and used shells in their jewelry, pottery, and ceremonial crafts. The men hunted, fished, and fashioned tools, weapons, and canoes. The canoes were up to thirty metres in length, and were treated with immense pride and respect. In addition to caring for the children, the women cooked, farmed, wove, and created ceramics.

The circular homes of the Lucayans were constructed from wooden posts and thatch, with one entrance and enough room for a small family to sleep on their hammocks. Near the chief's rectangular home there was often a ball court or wide space for religious or ceremonial gatherings. The game played on the ball court was a fast-paced sport which utilized a bouncing rubber ball, a clay pitch, and three walls. In addition to this sport, the Lucayans enjoyed dancing, singing, smoking tobacco through their noses, and drinking cassava wine.

On October 12 1492, Christopher Columbus arrived in the Bahamas and he abducted some Lucayans who guided him southwards to the Greater Antilles. Shortly after, the Spaniards enslaved the Lucayans and shipped them to Cuba and Hispaniola as slave labour in the pearl industry and in the mines. Thousands of Lucayans died from Spanish savagery, the harshness of their labour, and suicide-inspiring depression. Those who remained alive quickly succumbed to European diseases they had not developed immunity to. Within ninety years of Columbus' arrival, there were no Lucayans left.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Song of the Moment: My Body is a Cage - The Arcade Fire

Take the great Canadian band, Arcade Fire, mix them with Sergio Leone's "Once Upon a Time in the West" and this is the awesomeness that results:

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Odyssey of the Plugged Sink

Long ago, in the depths of an enchanted province, amidst a beautiful forest, there lived a king and queen. The queen was a regal beauty renowned for her kind nature while the king was a strikingly handsome monarch whose vast wisdom and eloquence were legendary. Their palace was less than legendary. In fact, it was more of a basement apartment of a triplex.

As long as we're being honest, the province was not enchanted, but separatist; and the beautiful forest was actually more of a jungle of concrete and asphalt. In addition, although the couple was fairly good-looking, they were not royalty despite the royal pedigree of the woman. Also, the man was not, in fact, known for being wise or eloquent. He did, however, wish deeply to be both of these things, and that must count for something.

The rest of the story will continue to be willfully dishonest. Although it should be noted that the wicked queen about to be introduced is neither wicked nor a queen. She's more of a landlady who would like to avoid spending money on proper pipe fitting.

One day, the royal basin became plugged because of the evil machinations of a wicked queen. The basin kept magically filling up with the greasy water of the royal neighbours. When the king and queen sent a number of royal couriers to the wicked queen to complain about this there was no reply. Finally, exasperated, the queen sent a messenger to tell the wicked queen that they were going to seek the help of a basin-wizard. Quick as a flash, the wicked queen responded that she would send her own basin-wizard in two days. Later, she sent out another messenger to say that the basin-wizard would not be arriving until six days later because his gadgetry was in need of repair. The queen then inquired as to the possibility of hiring another basin-wizard. The wicked queen grew furious: "It is your fault the royal basin is plugged because you put pasta in the royal drain!"

As the sixth day neared, the king inquired to the wicked queen about the coming of the basin-wizard. A response came on the seventh day that the basin wizard would be arriving on the ninth day. Meanwhile, the royal cutlery and china were piling to preposterous heights. On the ninth day the basin-wizard never arrived despite sending a message relating that he would be late. On the tenth day, he arrived, fixed the problem and then told the king that the royal pipes needed replacing and adjusting because there was a royal problem that would cause the definite repetition of the basin-plugging. After all, who in their right mind would put pasta in the drain? The royal couple were vindicated but rather upset with the wicked queen.

And they lived happily ever after.

Who deh?