Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dear sir,

I myself have found myself frustrated more than once by that particular door at the Rideau Shopping Centre. As it is the rightmost door in its section, practical experience dictates that it should swing open on the side closest to the door on its left. Nevertheless, this door swings open on the side closest to the wall. I have done the same thing as you, sir – pushing on the door’s left side only to realize, as I meet far more resistance than expected, that I was pushing on the side closest to the hinges.

Now, whenever this happens to me, it breaks up my stride a bit. I mean, I’ll be walking along at a certain pace and suddenly this door interrupts everything and I look just a little silly as I try to push open a door from the wrong side.

So, as you can see, I can definitely relate to the mild annoyance that this door can cause. One time, I was so annoyed at forgetting about this strangely-hinged door that I shook my head slightly. This head shake, of course, was more at myself and my own forgetfulness than the door itself. I mean, it’s a door. It’s an inanimate object that was installed by some well-meaning workers who were following the design specifications of some overtired architect. I will reiterate: this door is an inanimate object. This is a door, it cannot think, let alone hatch a malevolent conspiracy against a passerby. Here are things that doors can have in or on them: handles, knobs, hinges, panels, windows, knockers, signs, decorations, nails, grease-stains, small carvings of gargoyles, peep-holes, and nails. One thing you might notice about this list is that conspicuously missing is any mention of a soul, spirit, brain or intellect. Why? Because doors don’t have any of those things. By their very nature, doors are stupid.

I am not being insulting towards doors here. Even if doors could process the idea of stupidity, they would not care. Why? Because another thing doors don’t have is feelings. So it was with much bemusement that I witnessed your display aggression towards the door. You pushed the door from the wrong side and stumbled through.

At this point I thought you were just another well-dressed gentleman who, being fallible, had incorrectly surmised how to open this particular door. But no, you had to show me otherwise. You proceeded to turn and give the door withering glare. Then, with a display of outright hostility, you gave the door a vicious kick. I really shouldn’t have to say this, but there is no need to abuse or otherwise harass an object that is, by its very nature, without malice.

“Stupid door,” you muttered. This is true, of course. As mentioned previously, doors are stupid. Did the door care about your insult? No, the door did not care because, again, doors do not have feelings. Interestingly, the only element in your little interaction that did look stupid was yourself. You physically and verbally abused a door that remained entirely apathetic to your attack. While you were still swearing under your breath, the door was stoically swinging shut, completely emotionless and utterly unthinking.

So, in the future, if you should mistakenly push on the wrong side of the door don’t blame the door. Blame yourself and move on.


A witness.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ha! This is class!


Who deh?