Thursday, May 27, 2010

25 Random Facts About Me

1) I was tagged on Facebook by my sister and asked to give twenty five random facts about myself. Yes, this counts as a fact.

2) I don’t believe that anything is truly random, especially lists created by people. Maybe if I had some kind of randomizing super-computer I could create a truly random list.

3) Of course, then it would spit out such interesting tidbits as: “On October 22nd, 1997 at 12:45pm, John ate a sandwich.”

4) The example in number 2 is not verified. It’s probably true though.

5) A friend of mine told me that I was pretentious. I told them that they were as misguided as John Wayne searching for a good Cabernet Sauvignon in Detroit, and then I laughed snootily to myself whilst flaunting my fur coat.

6) If there were a detective show based on me, it would be called “John the Detective.”

7) In my younger days, I thought Sesame Street’s count and my father’s job as an accountant were related.

8) I put this childish misconception behind me after I learned that Count was a title and that accountancy was an occupation last year. We learn, we grow right?

9) Belgian Congo, 1932: I fought a full-grown silverback gorilla in hand to hand combat and won. The movie King Kong was later made in 1933, loosely based on my exploits.

10) I despise the absurd.

11) I don’t speak English, and I’m completely illiterate.

12) John Grisham considers me his hero.

13) I never contradict myself, but I always say and write things that are contrary to other things I’ve said and written.

14) If a cello were a computer keyboard, I would be a gifted cellist.

15) You wouldn’t guess it from this list, but there was a time when I created elaborate lies for my youngest sister’s benefit.

16) My new boss’s extension is 666. He’s too nice for me to call him the beast.

17) Monaco is the second-smallest country in the world at only 0.7 square miles.

18) What? That’s not a fact about me? Okay, here’s a fact about me: I make the rules about this list.

19) I once witnessed a confrontation against a supporter of the seal hunt and a young woman protesting the seal hunt. It went something like this:

Supporter: I know more about the seal hunt than you. I’ve read a lot about it.

Protester: Oh . . . . . . . did you know (insert random fact here)?

Supporter: You don’t want to get into this with me.

Protester: The seal hunt needs to stop.

Supporter: Seals aren’t endangered.

Protester: The seal hunt is cruel.

Supporter: (Something about cows). Bye.

Protester: (Something about seals) Bye.

20) I have a seashell on my desk. No one would have sea shells on their desks if the ugly gelatinous creatures that resided in them were still inside them.

21) I sometimes see a guy waiting for the bus with a huge bouffant. It’s huge. And it’s a bouffant.

22) I spent about two months thinking that the Arabic for “praise God” meant “God bless you.” When I dropped this knowledge on an Arabic sneezer much hilarity ensued.

24) I sometimes miscount things.

25) You know that game two lies and a truth? This list is more like seven lies, eleven truths, four suppositions, and two random facts. An accountant should probably double check this, though.


Suzanne said...

Ha Ha Ha! (That wasn't sarcastic, I was highly amused and immensely diverted!) And that was an understatement. Thanks John!

John den Boer said...

Thanks Suzanne.

Who deh?