A Story with a Complete Lack of Thought or Direction Rendered as Quickly as Possible in a Sort of Stream of Consciousness

There was a man who bought an apple from a politician who had once met a Swede who had given him a very similar fruit. The politician swore that this apple had special properties which would render him strong and wise beyond his wildest dreams. The man felt that was difficult, because the man had some fairly wild dreams. In one of his dreams he had deconstructed an entire house using only his eyelashes. This, of course is impossible, but the man wondered if this apple would indeed give him the ability to deconstruct a house using his eyelashes. Or, he wondered further as he remembered a particularly bizarre dream, he wondered if eating the apple would put him back into the embarassing situation of walking in slow motion over a wire on top of Niagara Falls while clad entirely in nothing while on international television. He hoped not. This was why he hesitated before buying the apple. No, he did not hesitate because it seemed ludicrous that an apple could fulfill his wildest dreams. He hesitated because he was afraid of his wildest dreams coming true. The apple looked much like a Macintosh. In fact, the man could have sworn that it was a Macintosh. The politician, sweating profusely as he swore up and down about the magic properties of this apple, was very gifted with his tongue. The man asked the politician why he was selling such a valuable apple and the politician insisted that it was because he had the best interests of the working class in mind. A class, the politician added, which you are clearly a part of. The man wondered why the politician thought it was permissable to end a sentence in a preposition and then promptly turned to the question of price. The politician remembered how the Swede had charged him several thousand crooners or kroners or whatever currency it was and so he muttered something about the price being negotiable. The man offered four dollars, reasoning that an apple was relatively inexpensive - usually only costing a few cents. A magic apple, therefore can only be so much more. The politician sneered and all thought of the working class seemed to have been forgotten. The politician insisted that the apple would cost approximately ten times as much. The man offered forty dollars and the politician scoffed once again. When the man pointed out that forty was ten times as much as four the politician pointed out that he had been speaking figuratively. The man then offered forty-five dollars and the politician said that he would have to withdraw the offer of the apple unless he received a more reasonable offer. The man then offered one hundred dollars and the politicians nodded and then, thinking twice, scoffed once again. The man decided to leave because he was not all that hungry for an apple and the idea of the apple fulfilling his wildest dreams still scared him. The politicians reiterated that the apple would give him strength and wisdom beyond his wildest dreams. The man suddenly realized that all of his fear about his wildest dreams being fulfilled from eating the apple had been for naught. He had not thought about having such wisdom or strength before. He decided to bid four hundred dollars for the apple. The politician nodded, considered the offer, and then gave the man the apple. The man handed over the money and, with perspiration dripping from his face, took the first bite of the apple. It was a little tart, but over all very good. He tried to think wise thoughts but nothing particularly wise came to him. He tried to lift a nearby dump truck, but merely looked ridiculous. I suppose, he thought, I suppose my wildest dreams never touched these concepts. At least the apple was juicy.