Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Current conditions include heavy prophetic activity at 159 degrees on the Rapture Index. Be warned, a 160 degree measurement on the Rapture Index is a "fasten your seatbelt" warning for imminent end times occurrences. The Rapture Index is "a prophetic speedometer of end-time activity" which does not mean to predict the rapture, but is designed to measure the "types of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture." There are, according to the Rapture Index website, two functions for the Rapture Index (from here-on referred to as the RI). The first is "to factor together a number of related end time components into a cohesive indicator" while the second is "to standardize those components to eliminate the wide variance that currently exists with prophecy reporting." The higher the number on the RI, the faster we are moving towards a "pre-tribulation rapture."
On this "Dow Jones Industrial Average of end-time activity," helpful categories such as globalism, Persia, ecumenical activity, and liberalism are complemented by measurements of floods, plagues, and earthquakes. It is nice to know that as American unemployment rates and American crime rates rise the entire world heads more quickly towards a rapture. Interestingly enough, although the overall crime rate in the United States fell, the fact that several key American cities saw a rise in violent crime means that that particular index goes up. Also interesting is that the Democrats taking control of the U.S. Senate raises the RI. Basically, any item of news relating to any of the seemingly arbitrary categories will raise the overall RI.

Ah John Darby, what have you wrought?


Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!

John den Boer said...

Wow. And I thought the rapture was crazy.

rachel said...

A ha ha ha.

Jono_or_Janice said...

Very interesting. Just wondering if the fact that winter didn't start until late January affects the RI? In my mind that's one of the major indicators. Also, we've been doing a lot of repairs on our car lately. Is that causing the RI to increase, or is it a result of the increase in the RI?
I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

John den Boer said...

Good questions:

Well, under the 43rd factor, Climate, all the author says is that the world's oceans have cooled in the last three years. Nothing about a late winter. I'm pretty sure claims about global warming fall under the category of liberalism. In my opinion, the repairs on your car would have raised the RI if it had not been for the recent dedication of your son, Samuel. Sort of like buying prophetic carbon credit.

Jono_or_Janice said...

Thanks for yor help, boerishbwoy.

David Koyzis said...

Is this Rapture Index a joke? I couldn't quite tell from the website. It sounds serious, but I half think it might be tongue in cheek.

John den Boer said...

It is difficult to believe that this could be a serious site, yet the author seems to take it seriously. Whatever it is, it is certainly weird.

Who deh?