My Favourite Commercial
As long time boerishbwoy readers may know, I am a big fan of watching commercials. I wait impatiently through the mundane adventures of Jack Bauer so that I can watch products flashed quickly and stylishly before my eyes in thirty second intervals. Commercials fill that void in my soul the way only sales pitches for cleaning products, life insurance, lottery cards, tampons, beer, khaki pants, and cars can.
So, it was with much happiness that I discovered this beauty of a commercial:
Rarely has a commercial done so many things right. Annoying parents singing? Check. Gigantic SUV? Check. Superficial message? Check. Entitled brat? Check. The list goes on.
People need to know that instead of spending time with family, children need to be entertained by mindless cartoons in a cocoon that protects them from anything that might build their character. We do not need any more encouragement to the imaginations of our youth. Why allow a child to entertain their minds with puzzle books, road games, maps, or even the seatbelt beside them when we just want them to be quiet? Do you think the North Korean government is encouraging imagination? I sincerely doubt it. Children need to be exposed to music with parental advisories that their parents were too lazy to check into. How else will they learn about sex? Children need to be ignored so that they have angst and can grow up to write bad poetry. The world needs more bad poetry.
Listen, you neeeed this car. It's an SUV. It is huuuge. Besides the back of your head, you will be invisible to your children! You will no longer be lame. You can go straight in a left turn lane. Why? Because your car is so incredibly huge that you can basically do whatever you want. You do not need to greet the parents of your child's friend even though the windows are open. Who wants social interaction anyways? What you have here is a self-sustained autonomous island free from the pestering influences of other people.
So, max out your credit cards and incur massive debt. Do whatever it takes to get this car because you do not want your children thinking you're lame. Do it. Do it for the kids.