He Asked For It: An Ode to Chris Crookall

In the tradition of the rambling rhymes of my ancestors:

Oh, Christopher John Paul Winston Crookall you once had a beard
and, my friend, I have to say that without one you look a bit weird
I remember those first-year days in far-off dorm thirty-six
when your chin was bald and you really didn't seem to mix
when you confounded us all with your wiley ways and devilish tricks
when your disastrously messy room caused an inspection by Hans Blix.

I understood, Chris, when you had trouble remembering our names
but by second semester there was no excuse, none of us was "James"
and I was John, not the puffy haired guy, you'll have to remember
and I don't think you had your roomate's name down until December
and that's bad because we knew your full name at least by November
and what's worse is I had to remind you of my name the following September.

I remember your interactions with poor Mark's cantankerous girlfriend
when she phoned that one time I thought that that was surely the end
you said he was out gallivanting with girls and I think you should as well clubbed her
because when she heard that she was enraged and began to angrily blubber
and ask who you were only to hear, "who me? Why it's Bob the Shrubber!"

There were more instances I think of from that highly memorable year
and there's one in particular that never ceases to fill me with cheer
with that loud and annoying bottle, your roomate was quite a boob
and that's why I was so happy we filled it with boullion cubes
so that as he slurped loudly he spat out the water liked the polluted Danube*
as we giggled in the living room while watching the tube

That's about all about that I can say at this time
about Chris Crookall and our life of dorm crime.

*The Danube is the second-longest river of Europe (after the Volga). It rises in Germany, then crosses Austria (it waters Vienna), Slovakia (it waters Bratislava) and Hungary (it crosses Budapest). It then forms the serbo-croatian border, crosses Serbia and waters Belgrade. The river then forms the border between Romania (North) and Bulgaria (South). It then enters Romania, forms a part of the border with Ukraine before entering the Black Sea through a large swampy delta which is an important natural reserve.