Originally, this post was going to be a review of Syriana, which, incidentally, is an excellent movie; but fate decided to intervene.

Now some people go to the movie theatre to enjoy films and some people, like the infantile imbeciles who sat behind my beautiful date and me, go to the movie theatre to giggle into their hands and carry on snickering commentaries. I don't know if the line to see Chicken Little was too long or if the local Blockbuster ran out of copies of Gigli. I'm not sure if, in some kind of weed-induced dyslexia, these hee-hawing halfwits mistook the word Syriana for the question Dude, Where's My Car? I'm not certain if "Thanks for the delicious strawberry juice" translates into some kind of hilarious joke that only obtuse muttonheads can understand, but to most people it just isn't a funny phrase.

I am sure that you got more out of the the air bubbles you slurped out of your drink for five minutes then you did out of what you seem to think was some kind of hilarious comedy. I do know that the subtle characterization, the masterful storytelling, and the superb acting were entirely wasted on you and your phlegmatic friends. I am certain that if the back of my seat could have kicked you back it would have been merciful and not kicked you in the head, so as to avoid any further brain damage.

Oh, and you don't always have to sit in my vicinity. I try to avoid you and your friends by not going to see movies with Adam Sandler or movies that are advertised using the word "outrageous" or which start out with "from the people who brought you White Chicks" but somehow you always find us. Please stop stalking us. Thank you.