More Boerishbwoy FAQ's


The legion of loyal Boerishbwoy readers may remember a previous post which answered some FAQs. For the uninitiated, FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions, and Boerishbwoy is the greatest blog in the universe. Our mailbag has been inundated with questions about the site and the mysterious and brilliant author of this wonder of the blogosphere, John den Boer. Here, finally, are some answers:

Q - I'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow, so why can't I turn of my radio?
You may be listening to a heavy metal station or perhaps you're just lazy. Or maybe, just maybe, you like to wallow in your own love-sick misery.

Q - Why does life suck?
Life does not, in fact, suck. If life sucked it would mean that life was a vacuum. A vacuum, as any grade seven graduate knows, is the absence of matter. Since life contains matter it is not a vacuum and, consequently, we can say that life matters.

Q - How can you possibly get away with your poor logic and terrible puns?
We at Boerishbwoy are committed to the concept of logic so far as it does not infringe on our concept of truth. We are also committed to the concept of truth so far as it does not infringe on our concept of reality. Furthermore, we are committed to the concept of reality so far as it does not infringe on our concept of our own genius. As for the puns, they are actually what the Greek philosophers would call "brilliant."

Q - How do you know that the Greek philosophers would call your puns brilliant?
We asked one.

Q - One Greek philosopher can hardly be representative of all Greek philosophers, can he?
If you want to nitpick we could say that this philosopher was more of a janitor and that his nationality was more Anglo-Irish than Greek, but what good would that do the world? Let's not be anal retentive about these sort of things.

Q - How tall is John den Boer?
Nine feet, two inches.

Q - That's not possible, I saw him and he is probably only six foot one at the most.
That's a statement, not a question and so it would seem that you do not, in fact, expect an answer. Furthermore, you don't seem sure of yourself, so maybe you should check your facts or vision or possibly a combination of both of those things.

Q - How can you claim that Boerishbwoy is the most popular blog in the universe when a simple look into its daily hits clearly reveals that it ranks somewhere below the blog of a thirteen year-old from Iowa whose favourite song is "My Humps"?
We never said that Boerishbwoy was the most popular blog in the universe.

Q- You said, and I quote, "and Boerishbwoy is the most popular blog in the universe."
N-no, uh, well, listen there are soldiers who wake up every morning in Iraq wondering if today is their last day on earth and so you should know, sir, that your question is not only disengenuous but also unpatriotic.

Q - Your answer was disengenuous, wasn't it?
You don't seem sure of yourself, do you?

Q - What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it?
White.

Q - If I write an invisible question will you write an invisible answer?
No.

Q - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
We brought this question to the big kahuna himself, John den Boer, who stated the following: "If a woodchuck could chuck wood he would probably only be able to chuck woodchips and since woodchucks are notorious for their short attention spans a woodchuck would only be able to chuck a half a shovel-full of woodchips. Unless, of course, the woodchips were blocking the entrance to its sleeping quarters, in which case the woodchuck would either dig a new hole or chuck the approximate equivalent of a five-foot-long two by four. That is, of course, if the woodchuck we are referring to is a gopher as, in some areas, woodchuck is used to denote a woodpecker. If we are, in fact, referring to a woodpecker the amount of wood works out to a much more impressive half a yard."

Q - Stare much?
Mmmm, what?

Q - Can I be your neighbour?
No.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" the old man mused from his perch on the park bench.

"Where the streets have no name," his stooped friend answered glibly from beside him.

"Lonely," he sighed, "I'm so lonely, I have nobody to call my own. I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely!"

"Well, that's alright . . . that's alright for you," the friend answered sagely.

"I'm so lonesome I could cry," the old man muttered.

"Please don't worry about a thing," his friend assured him, "'cause every little thing is gonna be alright."

"How often people change, no two remain the same, why things don't always turn out as you planned," the old man paused looking at his dry dusty shoes, "These are the things I don't understand . . ."

The friend remained silently in thought and the old man suddenly added, "Yeah, these are the things I don't understand."

The friend finally spoke up, "it's all relative. Even if we don't understand, and that's well understood," he looked at the old men earnestly, "especially when we don't understand - then it's just because. Even if we don't understand then let's all just believe."

"Been dazed and confused for so long," the old man said in bewilderment and pointing his finger at his friend, he declared, "it's not true."

"Miracles can happen, when you believe," the friend offered, placing a hand on the old man's shoulder.

"Nothin' new, nothin' new," the old man sputtered, "y'all ain't saying nothin' new."

"Does my happiness upset you?" the friend asked pointedly, "Why are you best with gloom?"

"Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry," the old man answered, "because the sky is blue . . . aaaaah."

"I see clouds of blue, clouds of white, bright blessed days, warm sacred nights and I think to myself," the friend paused for a moment, "what a wonderful world."

"How can you be sitting there, telling me that you care - that you care," the old man shook his head, "when everytime I look around the people suffer in suffering in everyway, everywhere?"

"In every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double," the friend said assuringly, "don't worry, be happy."

"The whole world is wrong it seems , oh, I guess it's the chains that bind me," the old man intoned darkly, "I can't shake it loose. These chains and things."

"They say freedom, oh, freedom is just another place to hide. Now I'm coming to you with my arms open wide," the friend held out his arms to embrace the old man.

"It's getting dark, too dark to see, I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door." the old man pushed his friend away grimly.

"You've gotta walk and don't look back," the friend declared, "If it's love that you're running from there is no hiding place. Just your problems, no one else's problems you just have to face."

"Sittin' here resting my bones," the old man pondered, "and this loneliness won't leave me alone."

"Everything is everything," the friend shrugged, "what is meant to be, will be. After winter, must come spring. Change it comes eventually."

"I’ve squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles," the old man grumbled, "such are promises."

"Did you exchange a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage?" the friend asked in exasperation.

"But people just don't seem to understand how someone can feel so blue . . . they call me Mr. Pitiful," the old man bit a quivering lip.

"Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around," the friend stumbled to his feet and turned to leave.

"Because maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me?" the old man offered.

"Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps."

It's a Difficult Burden to Carry . . .

Lest We Forget


Canadians are incensed, absolutely incensed that Parliament is petulently refusing to fly the flag at half-mast. Some see this as an effort to ignore or numb the shock of the recent deaths of four Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan. They seem to feel that if the average Canadian is walking past Parliament and the flag is at half-mast they will suddenly come to a realization of the terrible cost of war, fall on their knees and repent of their war-mongering ways. If the flag remains up, the average Canadian will walk past Parliament, assume everything is well with the world and start whistling "God Save the Queen." Canadians from across the country are assuming that Stephen Harper (or Gordon O'Connor, whom Harper judiciously delegated responsibility over the flag flap to) wants Canadians to be completely oblivious to these deaths. Of course, in order for a Canadian to be unaware of these deaths he would have to be an illiterate television-hating hermit. As much as we might romanticize illiterate hermits in our minds, we probably do not care too much about their opinion on the vertical characteristics of the Peace Tower flag anyways.
I understand the need to remember our soldiers. I think it is important to dwell on the lives that are sacrificed in defence of clear or even vague notions of justice. I, however, do not believe that Parliament should lower the flag every time a soldier is killed. Is this a contradiction, that I respect and remember Canada's soldiers and I do not think the flags of Parliament should be lowered for them? No. I agree with many veterans who feel that special gestures towards the few somehow diminishes the sacrifice of the many. I do not think that the death of a soldier today is any more heroic than it was sixty years ago. In fact, I feel that deaths of soldiers should not be merely seen as heroic but as heroic and soberingly tragic. The day for remembering the sacrifice of soldiers is November 11.
Imagine if William Lyon Mackenzie King had lowered the flag each time a soldier was killed during World War II. The flag would be at perpetual half-mast and the national psyche would be in a constant state of mourning. Of course, a certain amount of glumness is understandable during war, but it is also important to imbue the people with a sense of hope. I am not adovcating propaganda or disguising the number of fallen, but I do believe that flying the flag proudly at full mast is a direct national defiance against the often tyrannical and, yes, even evil powers you are fighting. War is a horrible time of sadness but we must grit our teeth and fight on.
Some might argue that the tragic sacrifice of the soldiers is much more important than the death of a tragically obscure Canadian politician. Why do we lower the flag for the one-term M.P. from Kicking-Horse Pass and not Pte. Johnny Canuck killed by a roadside bomb in Kandahar? Surely the sacrifice of the soldier is much more dramatic and heroic than the boring death of a dry politician, right? Maybe, but I am inclined to side with tradition. I think it is important to remember the lives of staid politicians who dedicated their lives to the political life of the country. Politicians do not have a day where everyone remembers their deaths and this is probably a good thing, as many cynical Canadians would probably make it into a party.
November 11 is the time to remember the fallen soldiers and the victims of war. I believe that the government made the right decision by respecting the legacy of past Canadian war-dead and not trumpeting the deaths of recent ones.

How many CD's do you own?
Approximately 150 including my wife's, and then about thirty burnt cd's.

What's the latest CD that you bought?
Kardinal Offishall's latest (a mild disappointment)

What's the latest piece of music that you have listened to?
Ain't Too Proud to Beg - Ben Harper diggin' on the Temptations.

Name five CD's that have made a lasting impression on you:
1) Bob Marley - Survival
2) Buju Banton - Til Shiloh
3) U2 - Joshua Tree
4) The Roots - Do You Want More!!??!!??
5) Ben Harper - Diamonds on the Inside

The Monument

Twisted Metal
bent double
distorted
contorted
glinting dully in its fra
ctu-
red,
battered and shattered
state of decrepit portions and
cont-
-ortions.
Sharp angles
rise in disconc
ertin
g
patterns of violence.

Silence

wafts uneasily from a
bent and spent
metallic jungle of
steel beams and
iron dreams.
Silver and rust
are covered in dust
as crumpled pillars embrace
in impossible directions of
affection
and warped pipes
and strangulated rods,
perforated beams
and mutilated bars
are riddled with
ugly dents and disturbing
scars
and bent
in innumerable ways
in an endless maze
of horrific agony
and confusion
of abrasions
fractures
and sha
tter
ing
contusions.

No, this noble monument
will not be described any more
for this, my friend,
this is the glory of war.

John den Boer, 2002.

Update:

- Todd and Kimberley came to my house a while back. They just wanted you to know that.

- I went to watch V for Vendetta with Phil, but they wouldn't accept my cheerios movie pass because it was a Friday.

- There is no hidden message in this blog entry.



- Groen Van Prinsterer should watch V for Vendetta.

- My infamous fingernail is still in its last throes. Now the thumbnail is succumbing to something for some reason. It must be a fungus. I feel leprous.

- C-plus Orange Burst really doesn't deliver on its promise. It tasted exactly like regular c-plus. I received absolutely no so-called "burst."

- Do you know what's ironic? A faith healer with glasses, that's what.

- I would like to add The Specials cover of Toots and the Maytals' "Pressure Drop" to my list of favourite covers if that's alright.

- I don't need to ask because this is my blog and if you don't like it you can read someone else's.

- Please stay.

- I was taught a word by one of my students. "Scrofulous" which is an adjective desribing something with scrofula (a type of tuberculosis where the neck swells up) or describing someone or something that is morally degenerate.

- In Taiwan it is the ninety-fifth year of the Republic of China.

- I have decided to correct the time on my blog.

- We miss you and love you, Linda.

- Benny Hinn is scrofulous, and he doesn't have tuberculosis.

- I have been married for almost nine months.

- Bob Marley.

- I had to mention him somehow.

- Why don't you trust me? I told you there was no hidden message and you looked anyhow. What's wrong with you?

- I hate unexpected problems with no immediately apparent solution.

- Big gulps, huh? Well, see ya later.

CSI Miami Template

- Shot of beachfront hotels from above.
- Show people doing something of slight moral reprehensibility which might just lead to a murder but actually causes them to stumble upon a corpse.
- Show CSI members examining the body, have them find something exotic or out of place.
- Show Horatio arriving and then allow a CSI member to explain something about the body.
- Zoom in on Horatio's face, allow him to put on his sunglasses and do a cute little reversal of whatever they said. For example, if the CSI member says, "she has a rock in her hand" then Horatio can say, in his halting way, "and now. death. has her. in its. hand." Or, if the distraught friend of the deceased says something like, "we were just having fun" Horatio can put on his sunglasses and say, "well, death. decided. to. have . . . her."
- After this little witticism, play whichever Who song they play at the beginning of CSI Miami and roll the opening credits.
- Begin side plot involving some kind of slightly confusing murder case.
- Allow copious shots of the inexplicable Hummers that these government workers drive.
- Ensure that there is an extended laboratory scene replete with techno music which actually makes lab work seem cool.
- Include many opportunities for Horatio to put on and take off his sunglasses while saying things very haltingly.
- Reveal some personal drama that one of the staff members is going through and show their angst.
- Try to show a shot of the beach or at least get a scene with an alligator in the show.
- There are no fat people, people over thirty-two, or ugly children at the beach in Miami, make sure these undesirables don't appear on camera.
- Whoever committed the murder acts like a real snarky jerk to the CSI staff.
- Maybe include something of CSI Miami's meta-narrative about the psychopath who has an axe to grind with Horatio and the girl he's protecting, although it is not strictly necessary.
- Only one of these rules may be broken per episode.

The Prophet

The man who called himself Moses
led his people past the promised land
and the prophet cried, "come,
eat manna from my hand!"
and he offered them dirt
although they needed bread
and he made them believe
that they were well-fed
Moses put up his arms and said
"I am. Come follow me,"
and the people followed
to the dark-shadowed valley
When people were sick
Moses left them on the path
"the righteous are never ill
it's a sign of God's wrath."
Moses sought more people
for his exclusive clan
and so he gathered the young
for they trusted this man
Moses raised up his staff
and struck the rock with rage
and cried out in a loud voice
"I am. I free you from your cage!"
Moses was pleased with the people
for they truly sought the Lord
and Moses gathered his tithe
and placed it with his hoard
He split father against son
and mother against daughter
and he declared, "You are
the clay, I am the potter."
Then Korah, Dathan, and Abiram
raised their voices and rebelled
and Moses, righteous Moses
had those men expelled
Anger stirred against him
for his ways were unjust
but Moses did not fear
his heart had turned to dust
The man who called himself Moses
sits upon a corroded throne
but he is in the path
of a rolling stone.

John's Favourite Covers

I've Got Dreams to Remember - Toots and the Maytals covering Otis Redding's classic.
Respect - Aretha Franklin steals Otis Redding's song and no one remembers who sang it first.
No Woman No Cry - The Fugees cover Bob Marley and then they do a version with Stephen Marley that is simply awesome.
Killing Me Softly - Lauryn Hill covers Roberta Flack.
Imagine - A Perfect Circle covers John Lennon's anthem for the obtusely idealistic and the result is kind of cool.
Wonderwall - Ryan Adams does a superb cover of the Oasis hit.
Proud Mary - Ike and Tina Turner redoing CCR.
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Aretha Franklin covers Simon and Garfunkel.
Wish You Were Here - Wyclef covers Pink Floyd.
High Tide or Low Tide - Jack Johnson and Ben Harper cover Bob Marley.
Strawberry Fields Forever - Ben Harper coversthe Beatles.
Police and Thieves - The Clash covers the Junior Murvin/Lee Perry classic.
Light My Fire - Aretha's sister, Erma, redoes the Doors.
Subterranean Homesick Blues - Sizzla Kalonji covers Bob Dylan.
Amazing Grace - Not really a cover, right? Wrong, because the Blind Boys of Alabama sing it to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun."
Hotel California - The Gypsy Kings cover the Eagles.
One Love/ People Get Ready - Bob Marley remakes Curtis Mayfield.
Ain't Too Proud to Beg - Ben Harper covers the Temptations.
Fortunate Son - Wyclef Jean dares to cover CCR.
Untold Stories - Sinead O'Connor, yes Sinead, covers Buju Banton and does a surprisingly good job.
Lonely People - Talib Kweli remixes the Beatles' Eleanor Rigby and it's nice. The album version is not nearly as good.
Hurt - Johnny Cash covers NIN and turns a song about drugs and self-destruction into a tribute to his wife without changing the words.
99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger outdoes Nena.
Bad Fish/ Boss DJ - Jack Johnson reinterprets Sublime.
Mama Africa - Buju Banton covers Peter Tosh.
Mrs. Robinson - Okay, they're corny, but the Lemonheads do a neat cover of Simon and Garfunkel.
I Shot the Sheriff - Eric Clapton covers Bob Marley.
Gin and Juice - This is more of a joke because I don't like either version, but a honky version of Snoop Dogg's Gin and Juice by the Gourds is funny to me.

How many books do you own?
Enough . . . but not really.

What book is your latest purchase?
*Sigh* I love books but I have not purchased one in about half a year and even then, it was a gift for my wife. "The Upside Down World of Vikram Lal" was the title, I believe. The last book that I purchased was "Papillon" which was alright, but its exaggerated, self-centred and grandiose storytelling reminded me of "A Million Little Pieces" by that notable truth-stretcher, James Frey.

What book have you most recently read?
In its entirety: Buzzing Flies, an eight page book about an annoying fly.
Right now I'm reading: A book of African History in French (struggling)
The Drama of Scripture
Mere Christianity

Name five great books with impact on you:

1) King Leopold's Ghost
2) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
3) Les Miserables
4) Creation Regained
5) Six War Years

Who do you challenge to answer these same questions?
Suzanne, Rachel, and Christina den Boer. Karen and Clint Langelaar, Jono or Janice Barnhoorn, Becky and Rod Snoek and any other relatives out there.

Oh, and the Garth Street crew and Piet Harsevoort (nefarious cackle)

Hummingbird

Hummingbird don't fly away - B.B. King.

Mr. Samson was a stern old man. He was not crotchety, but he was not cheerful either. Mr. Samson was stern. He considered life to be far too serious to waste smiles on trivial matters and, as far as he was concerned, most things in life were trivial. This was the reason he was upset today and when stern old men are upset they are, by definition, crabby. He had wasted what he felt was an indulgent smile on a hummingbird of all things. Hummingbirds, he muttered to himself, are nervous little pissants and the little buggers are far too colourful to be considered anything but asinine.
He strode along the sidewalk, sternly observing the beautiful summer weather with a clinical air. The apple blossoms are fluttering to the ground, no doubt encouraged by the warm southerly breeze, he noted grimly. He stopped briefly to listen to the warbling notes of a mourning dove, merely out of scientific curiousity. Science, he reassured himself, is a serious matter.
Mr. Samson gave a polite but serious nod to a friendly, albeit overly-happy, passerby and continued on his way. Three small children, giggling and whooping, ran without any seeming purpose in a series of circles in the long grass of a large front lawn. Mr. Samson shook his head with what he thought was stern disapproval but actually appeared to be more wistful than condemnatory.
Children these days, he told himself, need more purpose and direction. They needed the sort of purpose and direction he himself had. He never went anywhere without a reason. Mr. Samson picked up his pace as he strode purposefully to . . . where? Mr. Samson faltered, what had been his purpose? He frowned deeply, unable to find the answer as his steps slowed. Why had he gone outside? He stopped completely as the answer dawned on him.
The hummingbird.

Some Random Thoughts on Seal Hunting














Seals, they are creatures you don't see everyday. When the tour guide yells out their name in French it is rather amusing to adolescent boys and immature newlyweds. If you saw a seal crossing the street you would probably point it out with something approaching excitement. Now, imagine that you were an Inuit hunter or an East Coast fisherman and you saw them almost every day. Here, to illustrate I've copy and pasted some propaganda from the IFAW (International Fund for Animal Welfare) website and substitued squirrel for seal:

"Hundreds of thousands of baby squirrels will be clubbed or shot without mercy this year alone—an annual squirrel slaughter subsidized by the Canadian government.

95% of the squirrels killed are less than 3 months old. Many will be left to die under the ice . . . some baby squirrels may even be skinned alive

The majority of Canadians oppose the squirrel hunt, but are forced to pay for it.
Hunting squirrels is not justified by economic or environmental reasons. It’s driven by votes.

Scientists agree that the size of this hunt puts the squirrel population at risk."

Did that tug at your heartstrings? I hope not. Seals aren't endangered . . . kind of like cows.

Is it just me or does it make absolutely no sense to say that the majority of Canadians oppose the seal hunt and then come out and say that the hunt is entirely driven by votes? I mean, Canada is democratic, right?

Wrong. According to Morrissey, formerly of the Smiths, Canada is currently up there with China as the "cruellest and most self-serving nation." Morrissey is calling for a boycott of all Canadian products, because, you know, all of us are out there on the ice clubbing baby seals. As for the fisherman who earn money hunting seals? "Construction of German gas chambers also provided work for someone - this is not a moral or sound reason for allowing suffering."

Rant time. I am disgusted with these people who continually compare animal hunts to genocides and the Holocaust. People like this are the same ones who raved for the protection of the gorillas in Rwanda while hundreds and thousands of people, of human beings, were being slaughtered. I honestly have only one thing to say to the people who consider animals to be on the same level as humans: You are absolutely ridiculous. To compare an Inuit fisherman to a Nazi is completely, horrendously, and monumentally imbecilic. To compare a seal to a Jew is ineffably beyond that.

If animals are to be held to the same standards as humans then we must mobilize quickly to stop preying mantises from consuming their young and these absolutely barbaric wolves from consuming caribou. In fact, on the subject of seals, we should start growing kale to feed to them so that they don't slaughter all of these innocent herring. Seals really need to be incarcerated for that sort of behaviour.

More Familial Bloggers

Well, there are more people in my family who are blogging. First, my sister Suzanne den Boer who doesn't feel she has any insights but has already proven herself wrong. Second, an unknown sister of mine who isn't on my sidebar and isn't named Linda and who will remain nameless until she no longer desires the condition of anonymity. In fact, I will not even tell you where her blog is because it is a secret and she deserves privacy and she probably already moved to another location.

I have five sisters, in case you were wondering.

Oh, and for no particular reason, here's a picture of the the Incredible Hulk:

Ben Harper: Both Sides of the Gun


As many people know, a gun has two ends, or sides, as Harper prefers to call them. The implication of being on both sides of a gun is that you are not only aiming the gun at someone but also having the gun aimed right back at yourself. Harper's album Both Sides of the Gun contains one white cd of mellow emotionally vulnerable songs and one black cd of harder up-tempo revolutionary songs i.e. both sides of a gun. Of course, the temptation to view the album as two separate offerings has proven too strong for some reviewers who forget that the album is two sides (cd's) of the same gun (album). Both cd's contain nine tracks which as any music aficionado, unless they're some kind of heedless vinyl fan, knows, can usually fit quite comfortably onto one cd. Harper's decision is a creative choice, not an attempt to glut his album with an overabundance of tracks.

Harper has been around since his first solo album, Welcome to the Cruel World caught the attention of a few fans in 1994. Since then, Harper's honest lyricism, genre-breaking experimentation and masterful musicianship has gained him a loyal following. Anyone who has seen a live Harper concert (or, in my case, a concert DVD) with his talented band, the Innocent Criminals, can testify that Harper's talent is not the slick mixing-board magic the world has grown so accustomed to these days but is the actual sound of a real band playing *gasp* actual music.

Harper's previous album, Diamonds On the Inside was criticized by some as being far too polished and perhaps as a reaction to this the album has a more raw and earthy feel to it. The white cd, which faces the metaphorical barrel of the gun, contains symphonic strings and acoustic guitar while the black cd, which holds the metaphorical handle of the gun, has more drums and electric guitar. Of course, this is a simplistic interpretation, as the highly eclectic Harper's love for music crosses the boundaries of genres from rock to jazz to funk to reggae to the blues. Indeed, Harper recently recorded the Grammy-winning There Will Be a Light with the Blind Boys of Alabama. Few musicians could move from gospel to an albums such as this with such ease as the maverick Harper does.

The first cd is the mellow Harper, the surfing Californian, the introspective poet, the existentialist, and the friend of Jack Johnson. The album opens with "Morning Yearning", a pleasant opening for a solid set. Next is "Waiting for You" a great song somewhat reminscent of Harper's awesome "Amen Omen" from Diamonds on the Inside. The cd continues with the slow pace which is held in place by Harper's soulful vocals and the soaring combinations of string quartets, guitar, bass and percussion. On the sedond-last track "Cryin' Won't Help You Now", Harper gives the Eccesiastical meaningless speech with the lyrics "Now your poets, Have all put down their pens, The only songs to sing, Are those sung again, Lonely just doesn't, Look good on you somehow . . ." For the sentimentalist Harper fortunately ends on a positive note with "Happy Everafter In Your Eyes," an ode to his soulmate, Laura Dern (?).

The second cd is the revolutionary Harper, the left coast activist, the fist-in-the-air protesting hippie, and the Peter Tosh fan. Green Day should be taking notes because this is how a real protest album sounds. In other words, you don't need to use saran wrap for your veiled references because intelligent fans understand subtlety. The cd opens with the sounds of the Middle East on "Better Way", a raw cut which effectively mixes Harper's Weissenborn with the Tambura. The title track "Both Sides of the Gun" is a funk-infused cut which doesn't just criticize the war but also reveals Harper's own confusion with the war: "Living these days is making me nervous, Archaic doctrine no longer serve us, Now we're left as silent witnesses, We don't know quite what this is, Other than a war that can't be won . . . One dimensional fool, In a three dimensional world. Politics, it's a drag, They put one foot in the grave, And the other on the flag . . . Living on both sides of the gun." Harper also angrily criticizes the response to Hurricane Katrina on the excellent "Black Rain" which ends with the revolutionary lyrics: "It won't be long 'till the people flood the streets, And take you down one and all, A black rain is gonna fall."

Both Sides of a Gun is an excellent album which I believe shows that Harper is not just another musician but on his way to becoming a legend.

Hmmm, I can post but I can't see my blog. It really doesn't seem fair. I hope this is temporary.

I am Redeemer Propaganda


Imagine my surprise when I saw my face on the cover of some Redeemer literature. Imagine my further surprise when I found a request for a donation which came along with this literature. Alright, Redeemer, I'm a generous person and so I'll allow you to use my beautiful face on all of your literature and you can consider that your donation. Then, if you start paying to use my chiselled face on all of your tracts, maybe then I will consider giving you a donation --- that is, once your payments have exceeded my tuition.

Either that, or I'll start donating when I'm a bored old philanthropist hoping for a "John den Boer Memorial Lecture Hall."

Another Family Blogger . . .

The blogging world has expanded once more and this time it has added my sister Christina. Welcome to the blogger world, Christina.

Hitler and Religion

There are few so universally detested figures in history as Adolf Hitler and that is probably the reason why people debate his religion so dramatically. Many atheists like to smugly assert that Adolf Hitler was a Christian and then watch their red-faced Christian friends explode in apoplectic rage. At the same time, many Christians insist that Adolf Hitler was an atheist and then further assert that Hitler's atheism was the very force that propelled him to commit all of his horrible atrocities.

I submit that when atheists try to argue that Hitler was a Christian it is based on a fundamentally flawed understanding of both history and Christianity. On the other hand, when Christians claim that atheism drove Hitler's insanity it is not only a flawed position but also a position which will garner them few atheistic friends and likely won't promote the foundation for dialogue which Christians are supposed to be open to.

Atheists enjoy quoting Hitler's speeches and writings in their attempt to prove that Hitler was, indeed, a Christian. They forget that when they do this they are quoting a man who was a master of manipulation. Germany was a nation full of Christians and in order to deceive these people, Hitler had to use the language of Christianity. When Hitler made speeches which referenced Christ or Christianity he wanted to appeal to the masses. Hitler could not have stirred a crowd, however brilliant his oratory, if he had screamed, "You see, its been our misfortune to have the wrong religion. Why didn't we have the religion of the Japanese, who regard sacrifice for the Fatherland as the highest good? The Mohammedan religion too would have been more compatible to us than Christianity. Why did it have to be Christianity with its meekness and flabbiness?!" (Quoted by Albert Speer, Inside the Third Reich, pg. 115) or if he had shouted, " . . .Christianity is not a natural religion for the Germans, but a religion that has been imported and which strikes no responsive chord in their hearts and is foreign to the inherent genius of the race!" (13th February 1945, The Political Testament of Adolf Hitler).

Adolf Hitler was a Christian in the same way that a carpet salesman "absolutely loves" his potential customer's hideous wallpaper. Not only did this carpet salesman hate the wallpaper but he fully intended on letting the flimsy stuff quickly peel off the wall. In other words, Hitler was only a Christian by Machiavellian convenience.

Hitler convinced his countrymen he had the best interests of Germany in mind. Hitler convinced Stalin to make peace with him and he convinced Europe that he had no intentions to fight. Hitler convinced idealists, including Canada's Mackenzie King, that their appeasement would sate his appetite. How did Hitler convince all of these people? By lying. Hitler was a masterful liar which any person only slightly familiar with his life will know. The question is why some people can see these lies and manipulations, but not Hitler's deceitful Christianity. Hitler was as much a Christian as a pig is a flower. The image is ridiculous, but it shows how remarkably devious the master con-man had to be in order to make his gigantic hog's rump smell like a daisy.

Sure, Hitler had personal beliefs that Christians share with him. However, Hitler was only a Christian so long as Jesus wasn't a Jew, so long as Jesus was the bastard son of a Roman soldier, so long as all of Paul's gospels were ignored, so long as the fundamental belief of Christianity in the equality of mankind was eliminated, so long as Christianity was separated from its historic roots and fitted into his twisted nationalism. Hitler denied early Christianity as corrupted by Paul, the Jew, and blamed the religion for the collapse of Rome. Hitler might fit into a Unitarian definition of Christianity, but so do Wiccans (who, incidentally, are also not Christians.)

Hitler's twisted beliefs were far from Orthodox Christianity and his heresy should have alarmed his countrymen. Although Hitler pined for the days of Wotan and noble German barbarism, he ultimately wanted to replace Christianity with National Socialism. This did not mean persecuting Christians because Hitler felt that Christianity had such a soft flaccid underbelly that it would eventually die of natural causes. National Socialism with its psuedo-scientific reason, inequality and dominance of the Aryan race would prevail and the Third Reich would rule for a thousand years.

Atheism is problematic in that it is humanly impossible to be an atheist. Humans, by nature, must worship something and as much as so-called atheists deny worshipping anything, there is always something they venerate. No, Hitler was not a Christian but neither was he an atheist. Atheists, by definition, deny the existence of God or gods. Hitler did not deny the existence of God just as long as he could define exactly what God is and thereby make an idol in the form of the German nation. Hitler was neither a Christian nor an atheist, he was a Nazi.

Still, atheists do have ammunition when it comes to the topic of Nazism and Christianity. Christianity in Germany did appear to be the weak easily- manipulated superstitious religion that Hitler believed it to be. So-called Christian men supported the little dictator and the church that whould have opposed him barely offered a squeak of protest. Men and women adapted to the nationalist religion with a syncretistic fervour that would have made King Ahab blush. The passivity and outright collaboration is shameful and can only, in my mind, be alleviated by looking at the few examples of Christian fortitude in the German nation.

All of Hitler's speeches which spoke about God? Resounding gongs and clanging cymbols, nothing more.

Update:

- The entry on Buju Banton at the little (and by "little" you should read massively oversized) online encycopedia, wikipedia, would have had you believe that this reggae icon is a professional homophobe who occasionally sings songs.

- I added my input and now the entry provides a little more biographical and musical information.

- Wikipedia also includes Dave Matthews on its lists of African Americans. He hails from South Africa and I am guessing that he is now an American, but the man is a Caucasian.

- Caucasian sounds like an insult, but not as insulting as Caucasoid.

- Caucasoid sounds like a some kind of eighties video game Nickelback used to spend all the dimes they made on.

- Caucasoid does not sound nearly as insulting as Negroid or, the absolute worst one, Mongoloid.

- By October 23 next year, I will be an uncle. My oldest sister Karen and my brother-in-law Clint are expecting a child!

- Mmmm, how do I follow that little bullet with the usual trivial bullshit I talk about?

- I like sour cream and onion chips.

- Our car is costing us far too much money.

- Aaron and Erica are coming this weekend . . . right, Aaron?

- Dave Chappelle has excellent taste in music, with the possible exception of Kanye West who is a egocentric mountain of arrogance, albeit a talented one.

- Dead Prez is a little to revolutionary for this Caucasoid as well.

- The pipes at our house froze the weekend my parents and sisters visited, but then the heat started working.

- By "working" I mean "subjecting the entire house to a sweltering tropical atmosphere of ridiculous humidity."

- I have been going to a Bible Study where we discuss C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. One of the best parts is Chris Crookall's humourous commentary.

- Some day, when I can find the humour in the situation, I will write an entry on the money pit that is better known as "Mallory" aka our 1998 Chevy Malibu.

- I like the sound of Tonton John and Tantine Laurianne. Our nephews and nieces are bound to love us just because of our titles.

- I had a dream where Laurianne and I conspired with the professor from Futurama and we blew up a community bank after stealing the money and planting fake bodies in it and then settled in a ridiculously expensive South Pacific Island.

- Apparently, Marcellin was at the theatre when I saw Dave Chappelle's Block Party, but I missed him.

- Remember the Polkaroo? Why didn't they let the male co-host see him . . . just once?

- I'm hungry.

- I feel like eating Hawaiian Pizza.

- My feet smell.